January: How Can People Change?
At the beginning of each new year, we can’t help but to assess how our lives have changed during the year before and to craft hopes for the year ahead. Inevitably, some of this assessment will turn towards our own character. Who did I become last year, and who will I become this year? Was I curious, did I exercise, was I a good father, sister, friend? If we are honest, we will also have to acknowledge that we have fallen short, and this will lead us to consider how we can change, to resolve to reshape ourselves.
But this is hard. Perhaps we have been trying to slim down for years, or to quit smoking, or get strong. Maybe we have been promising ourselves we would call our mothers more often, or that we would apply ourselves more seriously to our work, or that we would be more patient, generous, or brave.
The path from who I am today to who I ought to be is a difficult one. So difficult, in fact, that we may be convinced that change is impossible. Indeed, we may have grown up around people who did fail to change, who never conquered their bad habits or inner demons. And then there is the question of genetics and biology–how much of my character do I have control over, and how much of it comes from things about me that I cannot control? The apostle Paul expressed this confusion, this tension between wanting to change but finding it impossible, in a way that is relatable across faith traditions: “I do not understand my own actions, because I do not do the things I want, but I do the very things I hate.”
Nonetheless, we really do see examples of change, even radical change. After a long, back and forth battle with alcoholism, the poet Raymond Carver, dropped the bottle for good. One of his final poems talks about it like this:
Alive, sober, working, loving and
being loved by a good woman. Eleven years
ago he was told he had six months to live
at the rate he was going. And he was going
nowhere but down. So he changed his ways
somehow. He quit drinking! And the rest?
After that it was all gravy, every minute…
He changed his ways somehow. That is where the mystery lies. What does it take to change, and why do some people change and others don’t? We all know people who have changed in some serious way for the better, whether it is in their health habits or in becoming a mature, responsible, or kind person. How do we get there, and what help do we need when really serious obstacles stand in our way to getting there?
These are tough questions, and character change has held a central place in human thinking since Aristotle and Confucius and in all of the world’s ancient religious traditions. For those philosophers, and many religious thinkers, change was about building the right habits, emulating the right people, and being in a community that could reinforce and affirm us when we behave well and check us when we fail. By taking small steps to build virtue through our relationships, we become, bit by bit, a different person.
The way in which we think about character change, about personal responsibility, and the role of the community in making change possible, will impact the way we think about public policy, too. If personal responsibility is emphasized, perhaps our policy will emphasize rewarding personal initiative. If the power of circumstance is emphasized, perhaps it will focus on changing circumstances. These are important questions, and ones that don’t have easy answers.
One thing that is clear from human experience is that change is hard, and becoming who we ought to be is an arduous process. This can make us more humble, generous, and patient towards others. It can also make us more forgiving to those who have made mistakes.
This month at the Lyceum, we will be talking about character change, learning from people in our communities who have made major life changes or have some expertise in how those changes happen. In the year to come, each month will bring a new theme to be discussed across the various Lyceums, and we have a slate of 12 great writers, thinkers, and leaders, who will be contributing short essays to spark our discussions.
The Lyceum’s new year’s resolution is to provide compelling conversations, cultivate wisdom, and build friendships. Stay tuned, and cheers to the year to come.
